Only Human by Nyu Jamila

My hand touches the smooth surface of the marble casing. Swirls of different colors collided into each other; fighting for the eye’s attention, not wanting to give into the other.
My fingertips slide across the cool top.
A soft whisper escapes my lips, “Is this is?”
Eyes fell on me as I asked. Silence was my only answer. I close my eyes. Pretending the world cease to exist, not wanting to be disturbed by anything.
“Yuki,” a voice breaks into my mind, “It’s time to go.”
My eyes open. So this is it, my mind says.
“Okay,” soft and sweet sings my voice.
I let my hands firmly grip the box, and pull it to my chest. The coolness of the marble spreads across my chest giving me feeling.
“I am ready to leave, Leon.”
A hand falls upon my shoulder, leading me away.
“You shouldn’t cry,” a deep voice whispers.
“I’m not crying,” I answer.
My eyes start to water. Tears spill down my face. Shit, I’m crying. I raise a hand to wipe the away before Leon could see.
“I thought you said you weren’t crying,” his voice mocks.
“Shut it,” my voice cracks.

Outside, the sunlight was strong. My eyes, weak against them start to close. My mind clouds itself with dreams, memories, and forgotten thoughts.
“Yuki, wake up,” a soft melodic voice sings in my head.
My eyes slowly open. A girl with short hair and a smile on her face stares back at me. Who are you?
“Yuki!” she squeals.
I am embraced into a hug.
“Um…” my mind still couldn’t tell me who she was.
A frown spreads on her face. “You don’t remember who I am,” she accuses.
“No!” I answer quickly.
“Really?” her eyebrows rise, “Then what is my name?”
“Um…”
“See!” she smiles, “I would be amazed if you did.”
I look at her. Okay, who is she?
“It's me, Ringo.”
Ringo… “Ringo?” I cry. She looks so different, than she did before. Her hair was much shorter. She was now grown up, not the same small girl I remember playing with.
“I didn’t recognize you at first either. You changed so much.”
“Yeah, I guess we both did.”
“You grew out your hair. It looks like it got darker too.”
I nod.
“Oh, if Ichigo could see you now.”
That’s right. Ichigo, Ringo’s older twin. “Where is she?”
“She’s…” Ringo brings a finger to her chin, “She’s at the G.A. academy.”
Oh, yeah. I had completely forgotten that she had always wanted to be a singer.
“Cool,” was all I manage to say.
My eyes wonder. This room…how did I get here? The sea colored walls surrounds the two of us, engulfing me with the past. Little dolls from when I was a kid, the rocking chair my mom use to sing to me from.
“Ringo…” I slowly start, “How…how did I get here?” My voice seems so far away.
“That tall guy brought you in here.”
That’s right. I was with Leon. Where is he?
My eyes continue to scan around me. Pictures of Ringo, Ichigo and me plastered against a mirror; smiles, faces painted with make-up, horribly done hairstyles. The past that I cherish greatly.
“Oh.”
“Are you alright?”
I turn to her. Sadness was found on her face.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I lie.
“Oh, good,” a weak smile appears.
Silence now takes over. I couldn’t find anything to say. My fingers play with a small strand of hair that no longer belongs to my head.
“So,” Ringo drags the word, “What was going on.”
I look up at her. “What do you mean?”
“Well…” she tries to find the right words, “Um…when that guy brought you here, you were crying in your sleep.”
A soft blush emerges to my face. He saw me asleep?
“You’re blushing!”
My hands spring to my face. It’s hot. I’m blushing? I close my eyes. My heart was racing.
“Sheesh, Yuki, the way you are reacting seems like you got a little crush. Who was that guy anyways?” her head turns to the door. “Ever since you went off to boarding school in the United States you didn’t have time to talk to us.”
The boarding school. Where I met Leon. That’s right; he came all the way here with me, to see him.
“That guy you’re talking about is my friend Leon.” I answer.
“Oh, how old is he?”
“A few years older than me.”
“Really?”
“Yeah.”
“Do you like him?” she smiles.
“What?” I frown.
“Come on, you can tell me.”
Do I like him? I had known him for a while now.
“Dunno,” is the only answer I can give her.
Ringo frowns. She didn’t know to believe me or not.
“What about you?” I smile, changing the subject to her. “Any guys falling for you?”
Ringo laughs. The same laugh I remember.
“What are you talking about? No guy wants me.”
“Come on, your beautiful.”
She shyly smiles, “Well….there is this one guy.”
“Oh,” my turn to drag the word, “Who?”
“Okay, okay,” she slaps my leg, “His name is Kyou. He just moved in the neighborhood a few months ago.”
I smile. That’s nice she got herself a crush. I take her hands.
“Make sure that you don’t get hurt,” I tell her.
She nods. It’s now silent again. Did I really get so out of tune with my close friends? Do I have nothing to talk about?
“I am in a hair styling school.”
“Really? That’s great.”
Ringo nod, and placed her hands on her lap, “I always wanted to style hair.”
I giggle. The outside of her changed but the inside was the same as I remember three years ago.
“Do you think I can do your hair?” she asks softly, as if she was afraid.
“Yeah,” my eyes open wide. I was happy to let her do my hair. She smiles. I move to the floor, so she would be able to reach the top of my head.
“This reminds me of the old times,” she pulls my hair up.
She’s right. This is like old times. She would do my hair and pick out some clothes for me if we went out.
“Yeah,” I answer, “When will I see Ichigo?”
My hair fell back down.
“I don’t know.”
What does she mean she doesn’t know? They are closer than sisters, they are twins. I look up at her with worrying eyes.
“Is everything okay?” I ask.
“We kind of got into a little fight,” she explains, “She wants us to try and became idols, but I want to try to be a hair stylist.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” she continues, “You know how we always tried to be a band, and she wants to try it again. But I don’t.”
“Don’t worry about it Ringo,” I say.
“I hope so.”

“Leon!” my voice fills the room.
He falls of the couch he was napping on. Black hair a mess, and clothes wrinkled, but he was still good-looking. Leon picks himself off the floor, straightens his shirt and hair.
“What?” his deep voice asks.
“Nothing,” I smile at him, “Just wanted to scare ya.”
He frowns, crossing his arms in front of him. I stick out my tongue.
“What’s up?” I ask plopping myself on the very couch he fell off of.
“You scaring me,” he answers.
I look up at him. “Thanks.”
“For what?”
“For everything,” I say. “You came all this way to see someone who died with me. You even bought the tickets to fly us here. And more over, you brought me back here, to my home.”
“It was nothing.”
“It’s not nothing, it means a lot to me.”
“Okay.”
“Just wanted to let you know that.”
“Okay.”
I look at him. His face was now turned away, like he was hiding it. Silence grew again.
“Any plans for today?” he asks, clearing his throat.
“Yeah, Ringo and I are going to go pick up her sister soon. Want to come?”
“Sure. I guess.”
“Okay, I’m going to go change,” I leave.
I look out of the window, watching everything go by; a house, a tree, a smaller tree, a lamppost, another house.
“Ichigo is going to be so surprised to see you again!” Ringo words bring me back into the car.
“Yeah?” I ask more than say.
“Yup.”
I turn to Leon, who was staring outside like I was. I tap him on the shoulder.
“Having fun?” I ask.
His response, a shrug. I frown; he really didn’t want to talk.
“Um,” Ringo starts. “How...um…” her eyes glance up to the rear-view mirror, looking at Leon.
“HELLO,” she says in really bad English. “WELCOME TO JAPAN,” her words slow and unsure.
“You know I can speak and understand Japanese really well,” he replies, not moving an inch.
“Oh, that makes things easier,” she smiles.
At least she is trying to make friends with him, my mind whispers.
My eyes move back to the window. It has been so long. Am I happy I came back? Yes. Of course I am. I see my friends.
“We’re coming up to the school,” Ringo’s voice intrudes again.
A huge building covered by trees. Vines dangle from the branches, birds singing, and flowers swaying. G.A Academy. The school where Ichigo is.
“Wow,” I press my head against the cool glass. “This place looks very old.”
“It’s one of the oldest schools around this area,” Ringo says.
We arrive in front of cracking doors. Massive door. Stain-glass windows border them. We step out. I let out a soft whistle.
“Looks, like something you see in a horror movie,” Leon smiles. “I like.”
“Shut up,” I say, scared.
“Let’s go in,” Ringo opens the door.
We pile inside. Chandlers hang from the ceiling, twinkling down onto us.
“Beautiful,” I whisper, afraid my voice might cause them to come crashing down.
Ringo nods, with a happy smile on her face. “This way,” she motions. We follow her to the staircase.
It seems endless. Like a dream. We follow her up.
Ringo opens a door; smaller than the one they entered by just as pretty. Standing on the other side stands a girl with long shaggy hair.
“Yeah,” her voice sings, “Kiss, kiss fall in love!”
I clap.
So pretty, her voice is like it was back then.
“Pretty,” my voice speaks without permission.
She jumps a bit and turns. Her eyes sparkle as she saw us.
“Yuki!” she cries. She turns to Ringo, “You brought her here?”
Ringo shakes her head no.
“Then, why are you here?” she asks me.
Should I tell her, I came to see him before they put him in the ground? Should I lie? I don’t now how to answer her.
“Yuki came, that’s the important part,” Leon speaks up.
“Who are you?” Ichigo asks bluntly.
I laugh. She really doesn’t change.
“His name is Leon,” I giggle. “He came with me.”
She looks at him hard, “Is he from America?”
“I have a name,” he states.
Ichigo comes closer, embracing me in a hug.
I smile.

“I want a medium size fries and soft drink, coke please,” Ichigo asks the person taking orders.
“I would like a salad please,” Ringo says, unsure if she was allowed to have it.
“Um...can I just have a milkshake?” I ask.
The lady nods as she punches in our orders.
She looks at Leon, slowly and badly she asks in english, “What, would you like, sir?”
He sighs.
“I don’t want anything.”
She turns back to us, “That will be twenty-three ninety-four.”
Ringo takes out a twenty-dollar bill and a one-dollar bill, getting six cents back.
We head over to sit down at a table.
“How are you?” Ichigo asks happily as she sits down next to me.
“Nothing much, just not sure what I want to do still.”
“Don’t worry you still have a lot of time left,” she smiles, “Who knows maybe you can be the guitarist for me.”
I haven’t played or even touch a guitar since I left here…do I still even know how to play?
“Maybe…” my voice trails off.
Our order gets called so we get it. Ringo and Ichigo giggle over the small information I give them. They start to tell me what they have been up to. My mind shuts down, drifting off in its memories.

***

I run around the yard, “Satoshi! Catch me!”
Giggles escape my lips.
He runs after me, brown hair flying behind him.
“Don’t run so fast, Yuki!” he pants.
“Never!” I giggle running faster.
The ground didn’t seem like it was under me anymore, I was flying.
“Watch out!”
My head jerk towards the warning. My foot hits something. Ouch. My body flies forwards. My face kisses the ground.
“Yuki?” he’s worried. “Are you okay?”
Yeah.
“Yuki? Answer me.”
I’m fine.
“Why aren’t you answering?”
I am…I’m fine.
“Yuki?” he’s crying.
My body lifts. Tears are falling on my face.
“Yuki?” I look at him. “She’s not moving…” he voice trailing.
My mind shuts off.

Footsteps…I hear footsteps.
“Will she be okay?” a voice enters.
Open! I order my eyes.
“She’ll be fine, it’s nothing serious,” another voice.
Who are you?
“But she’s not waking up,” the first voice.
“It’s okay, she will later,” the other voice.
What’s going on?
“Satoshi, what exactly happened?” the first voice.
I fell.
“She was running, I told her to watch out,” Satoshi’s voice.
“Why did you let her run? You know that she will get hurt!” the first voice is yelling.
It isn’t his fault, it was all mine.
“I didn’t-” Satoshi is pleading.
“I don’t want to hear it! You knew that she would fall, that she isn’t normal!” the first voice roars.
I’m fine…I’m normal.
“But…mother-” Satoshi is pleading.
“Please, Satoshi,” mother says, “You’ve done enough.”
Open, eyes.
“Ma’am, she’s waking.”

***

“Come on Yuki!” intrudes my mind.
“Hm?” I look up from the table.
Ringo motions me to hurry up.
“Oh,” I pick up the trash around me and throw it away.
“Are you okay?” Leon asks quietly as I pass him.
I nod. I am okay…right?
“Oh!” Ichigo turns around to look at me, “You need to come to this club tonight with me!”
“Club?” I ask.
She nods.
“Ichigo, you’re not talking about-”
“Hush,” Ichigo brings a finger to her lips.
Ringo shrugs, and looks at me smiling weakly.
What is going on? A surprise?
“Oh, okay?” I say unsure.
Both giggle, knowing what was going on.

“Yuki, this way!” Ichigo smiles.
“I can’t believe you!” I cry.
Ringo looks at me with pleading eyes, her mouth moves “Sorry.”
“This could be our big break,” Ichigo beams with delight as she peeks to the crowd.
“Big break?” I choke out the words. I turn to Ringo, “I thought you wanted to be a hair stylist!”
“I still do,” Ringo says in her defense, “But we always did want to try and make it big together.”
“I don’t believe this, I just don’t!” I scream. “I haven’t played in over two years, what makes you think I remember?”
“Yuki,” Leon’s voice breaks into me, “I heard you play the piano a lot at school, the music is still in you.”
“Besides, you’re only here for two days, I don’t think it would hurt any if you played with us just this once,” Ichigo pleads.
“Just once, for old time sake,” Ringo smiles as she holds out a Hello Kitty guitar. “It’s just how you left it.”
I look at the guitar. I haven’t seen it in a long time. They took care of it.
“Fine,” I grab the guitar and start to tune it.
“Already tuned,” Ichigo smiles.
“So you just figured I would?” She nods. “Well, you thought right, I guess.”
I start strumming softly.
“Ready?”
“What song are we playing?” I ask.
Ichigo smiles, “remember how to play ‘Super Rabbit’?”
“Yeah,” I smile. I had too, it was my favorite song.
“Okay,” she turns to Ringo, “Ready?”
Ringo nods, so do I.

Leon watches as the show.
A lady with short golden hair smiles at him.
“Hey, handsome,” she smiles at him.
Leon looks away from Yuki, Ichigo and Ringo, and his eyes land onto the lady next to him.
“Why don’t you talk to me?” she asks as she leans on the bar.
Leon looks back at the stage.
“Don’t tell me,” she giggles, “Your girlfriend is on the stage right now.”
He doesn’t say anything.
“Well, does that mean you don’t have a girlfriend?” she asks, inching closer to him.
Her hand touches his.
“Don’t touch me,” he grunts through his teeth.
She backs away a bit.
“What?” her eyebrows frown, “What the hell is wrong with you?”
Leon stands up and looks at her, “You.”
He gets closer, he was basically breathing on her. His eyes look up and down.
“You’re what’s wrong with this picture, unless you want to get hurt then leave me,” Leon breathes.
The lady frowns and walks away, “Your loss,” she says.
Leon looks back at the stage.

“Whoa,” Ichigo sings as we gather in the back, “That was thrilling!”
I smile and start to shake my head as Ringo unplug the amps.
“It’s all thanks to you, Yuki!” Ichigo continues, “We haven’t played like that in a long time.” She takes my hands into hers.
“You were great,” she smiles.
“You really were,” Ringo pipes in, putting her bass guitar away. She waves at the drummer from another group that filled in for ours.
“I guess,” I say as I take off my guitar. The strap was scratching my shoulder.
They clap their hands, and we move out of the back.
“Leon!” I call to him.
He looks up.
“Hey, you guys were great,” he says as we approach him.
“I know, right,” Ichigo jokes.
Ringo smiles and sits down as another band sets up.
“You weren’t bored were you?” I ask poking his cheek.
“Without you?” he asks smiling at me, “No of course not, I had a peaceful time.”
“What?” I stutter. He didn’t mean it did he?
“Silly,” he says patting my head.
“Don’t pat my head,” I frown.
Ichigo giggles, “You’re still the same, Yuki.”
“Of course, she hasn’t changed since we met her that fateful day five years ago,” Ringo gives me a hug.
“Shut up,” I say smiling.

We go back. Back to my place, I guess I can say. The place I grew up in. The only place I can actually call home.
“Yuki,” Ringo opens the door, “Your key is still in the bowl you left it in.”
I don’t turn from my window.
“I know.”
“Leon is sleeping.”
“Okay.”
“Do…do you want to talk about something?”
“Not really.”
“The reason you came back was Satoshi, right?”
“Yeah.”
“He’s dead?”
“Yeah.”
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah.”
Ringo falls silent.
“You know, we care about you even if it has to do with him.”
“I know.”
“So if you want to talk-”
“You’ll be there,” I turn to smile at her. She’ll always be there, and I know it.
“Okay,” she leaves.

***

“Yuki?”
My eyes finally open.
Mom?
“Yuki, can you hear me?” her eyes red from crying.
“Mom,” I struggle unsure if I had said the word right.
“Yes, it’s Mom,” she takes my hand.
Where’s Satoshi?
I look around the room. He was crying in the corner.
“Sa-”
“Satoshi!” Mom calls, “Yuki wants you.”
His body jumps, a hiccup, he wipes his eyes.
“Yuki, I’m sorry,” he cries.
“Not…your fault,” I struggle on the words.
Was those the right words?
A wail comes from him.
“Satoshi, go wait in the hall,” Mom directs.
He listens.
Wait, I don’t want you to go.
Mom stays quiet as he leaves.
“Mom?” I ask.
“Satoshi isn’t your brother.”
What? Yes he is. He’s my older brother.
“Satoshi is my friend’s son.”
Why tell me this now?
“He knows.”
What?
“He suppose to watch over you, but he does.”
Yes he does.
“You could have died today.”
But I didn’t. Mom, stop it.
“If you did...what would I do?” she chokes on a cry.
“Mom,” I say slowly.
“I just don’t want you to die!” she embraces me in a hug.
“I’m okay, I promise,” I say.
“Ma’am,” a Doctor walks in.
She lets me go.
“Yes?”
“If you want you can take her home, everything is fine.”
“Did you hear that, Yuki? You can come home.”
Was I here that long?
She helps me out of the bed.
Satoshi stood against the wall, of the hall.
He looks up then back down. He walks out with us, silent.
Why so quiet? I look at him.
The car ride is so quiet.

***

The sunlight intrudes my eyes. Morning, already? I open my eyes; looking up at the ceiling.
What did I dream about?
I roll over to my side. What was it? A yawn escapes from me and my eyes scan my nightstand.
My clock, what time is it?
Seven forty-three, still early.
Footsteps outside my door grab my attention.
“She’s not going to be up yet,” a whisper breaks the silence.
“How do you know?” another voice whispers.
Ichigo and Ringo. I sigh, pulling my body out of bed.
“I’m up,” I say to the door.
The handle turns, opening. The first face I see, Ringo. Her hair tied in a loose ponytail.
Ichigo, her hair flared out.
“Morning,” Ichigo waves.
“Same to you,” I scratch my head. I didn’t want to be up.
“Want to hit the town?” Ringo asks sitting herself on my bed.
“Well,” I start.
“You wanted to show Leon around,” Ichigo finishes.
I look up at her. How did she know?
“Please, Yuki,” Ichigo places her hands on her hips, “It’s written all over your face.”
“What?”
My hands move to my face.
“I meant I noticed yesterday.”
“I did too,” Ringo pats my leg.
“Fine,” I given in, “I wanted to show him around…”
They smile.
“So cute!” Ringo hugs me.
“It’s fine, take him too all the nice places,” Ichigo says.
“Oh!” Ringo drags me to my mirror. “Can I do your hair?”
“I want to pick your outfit,” Ichigo says already in my luggage.
“Guys,” I say half-heartily. “You don’t have too.”
“We want to,” Ichigo grabs out a laced dress.
“Yeah, like the old times,” Ringo says getting her hair ties and clips out of a bag.
I smile. They didn’t really change at all.
“There!” Ringo declares proudly once she finishes my hair.
I look at the mirror.
“Doll?”
Ichigo peers at the mirror.
“I think it’s cute.”
My hair; big curls tied back in pigtails. My appearance is almost doll like.
“Wow,” I say touching my face, “you guys really know how to change a person.”
“I’ll take it as a good thing,” Ichigo smiles, “Leon is going to be really impressed.”
“Huh?” I turn away from the mirror and look at Ichigo. “What do you mean?”
“She means you’re cute,” Ringo says. Her fingers reach to my bangs to fix them, again.
I smile. I am really thankful for them, but it wasn’t like that with Leon. He is just a friend. But they wouldn’t understand it.
“Thanks.” I smile at them I am really thankful to them. I get up and make my way to the door.
“Really, thanks.”
They nod.
“When we get back, let’s go out. Just the three of us,” I say as I walk out.
My feet take me down the hall. Pictures of my past, brings back memories; both sad and happy. My eyes glazes over them, watching me grow with every passing picture. From a little child to a pre-teen, a pre-teen to a teenager. Each one different. Different people.
A small smile spreads on my face. I don’t know if it is sad or happy, but it is a smile.
I realize that I have been standing looking at the pictures for a short while. I hope Leon isn’t still sleeping.
I look at the door at the end of the hall. His door. The door that separates him and me.
I place my hand on the surface. Should I know and see if he is awake? Or maybe wait until he gets up himself? I start to form a fist to knock on the door.
“Yuki?” Leon’s tired voice asks from beyond the door.
How did he know it was me?
“Yes?” I squeak.
The door opens. Ridding the space that separated us.
“Hi,” his hoarse voice told me he just woke up. His hand runs through his untidy hair, as he leans on the door.
“Hello,” I say. My eyes watch him as he breathes. What is running through his mind?
He stares at me.
“You look weird.”
I blush. “Good or bad?”
“Does it matter?”
Of course it matters.
I shrug, not wanting him to know I care.
“Not really,” I say.
Silence takes over. I try to look away, but his eyes lock into mine making it impossible.
“What are you doing here?” he breaks the silence.
“Don’t tell me you forgot,” I frown. Not waiting for an answer I continue, “We are going to today.”
“Oh, yeah.”
“You really did forget, didn’t you?” I ask, a bit annoyed by this.
“No,” he says, “Just chose not to remember.”
“Same thing,” I laugh.
“No, two different thing actually,” he smiles. “Let me get ready.”
I nod.
The door closes, bringing the space back.
My heart thumps in my ears.
We’re going out, that’s all that it is. Just two friends going in town to have a good time. Nothing more.
My feet drag me across the floor. Taking me down the stairs. My heart light, fluttering, with the thoughts of what today might bring.
I turn my head, eyes catch the mirror. I look different than I did when I left here. My eyes brighter, more alive. But yet, coming back I didn’t feel that way. I feel died.
Why did I come back? Did I come, just to prove a point? What point was it? I don’t belong here anyways. I’m not needed.
“Yuki?” a voice intrudes my thoughts.
I jump at the name. My eyes tore away from the mirror.
“What are you doing?” Leon asks.
“Nothing,” I smile. “Just looking at myself in the mirror.”
He laughs. “Why? You’re not that pretty to look at.”
My heart falls. “What?” I half cry.
His hand flicks me on the head. “Guys don’t really like girls who think so much of themselves.”
“I don’t care. Who needs guys?” I turn away, fluster about this.
His hand grabs mine, pulling me with him.
“Let’s go.”

Silent. The silence loves greeting us, and it doesn’t love to leave.
I walk beside Leon. My eyes watch the passing ground: brown leaves, a small pebble, dried up gum, another leaf.
I bump into Leon. My foot slips a bit, causing me to become unbalanced. Ground was coming to greet me. It stops. I could feel a hand holding onto my arm.
“Yuki, I know you’re a klutz, but did you just trip over nothing?” he teases.
“Shut up.” I frown.
It’s not like it’s my fault.
He laughs softly to himself. “Hold on to my hand,” he says.
I look at his offered hand, his smiling face.
“Okay,” I softly say.
My hand touches his. His warmth, fills my body.
His hand is soft. My eyes, look at our hands. He, holding tight, making sure not to let it fall out. Yet, light enough not to hurt me.
“Something wrong?” his voice asks.
I blush, looking straightforward again.
“No, nothing,” I answer quickly.
Silence visits us again. This time, I let it stay. It didn’t bother me.

“What should we go do now?” Leon asks, as we sit down on a park bench.
“Well,” I start thinking of what we did. “We already, did everything I planned out…so I guess whatever you want.”
“Why don’t you tell me, what you want to do?” he throws the question back to me.
“Ugh, you know I hate making a decision.”
“I know.”
“Then why do you keep trying in making me make one?”
“Because, it’s your turn to choose, what to do. My treat.”
I look at him. Was he serious?
“Why?” My eyes look at him, trying to figure out what’s he planning. “What’s the catch?”
Leon laughs. “No catch.” He throws his hands in the air. “I just didn’t think it was fair, that we only do what I want.” His face looks serious.
“Oh,” all I manage to say.
“Well?” His head tilts up to the sky, his hands folded together resting between his legs.
“Um,” I didn’t know what to say. “I don’t really care what we do.”
He laughs, turning his face to me. Strands of his hair falls across his face, making him look playful.
“Really?” he asks, running his fingers through his hair pulling them back behind him.
I nod.
“Okay, then.” He stands. “Lets go watch a movie.”
“Movie?” I ask. My brow arch up.
Why a movie?
“Yeah.” His hand moves down to me, waiting for mine to grab a hold of it.
“Okay.” I reach to grab. Allowing him to help me up.
We move through the park, hand in hand.

My eyes move over the posters that hang outside.
Which movie? There’s so many to pick.
I look over to Leon. He is looking at a monster movie.
“Um,” I start but the stop.
He looks at me. “Did, you say something, Yuki?”
I shake my head. “No.”
“Did you pick a movie, yet?” His eyes run over other posters near by.
“No,” I look at the monster poster. I hated monsters. “Did you?”
“Kind of,” he replies.
“What?” My heart falls as I think of watching a monster movie.
“This one.” He points in front of me. “Stardust,” he reads.
“A romantic-comedy?” I ask.
I didn’t know he was a romantic type.
He nods.
We walk over to the counter, and he pays for our tickets.
The pictures on screen, moves pass my eyes. Guy falls in love with girl. Girl denies him, unless he gets her a star. My mind turns off, but my eyes watch.

***
Satoshi? Why aren’t you talking?
My eyes move towards my friend sitting next to me. His eyes watery, staring at his hands.
“Satoshi?” I whisper.
“Yuki,” my Mom’s voice emerges loudly from the driver’s seat. “Don’t talk to Satoshi.”
Why Mom? Why can’t I talk to him?
I look away. My eyes move back outside.
Why? Why so quiet? I fine, Mom.
“Yuki…”my Mom says sweetly, “When we get home, there’s stuff we need to talk about.”
Stuff? What kind f stuff?
I nod. I know she can’t see me, but I nod. Didn’t feel like talking. Not anymore.

We are home. Back to where I had fallen. Back before Mom got mad.
“Come on you two,” Mom orders.
I follow. Not wanting to disobey her. Afraid of getting in trouble.
I step outside. The ground sturdy under my feet. I stand. The wind embraces me, as if it hasn’t seen me in a long time.
“Yuki, come on,” Mom’s voice calls me.
I look at the front door. Satoshi and Mom already there. I nod, and move towards them. My feet take slow steps. I try to move them faster, wanting to feel the ground move under my feet. But they move slowly.
I want to talk. To find out, what’s wrong.
Mom’s face is sad. Fallen. Something, is wrong. Did I do something wrong? Mom?
A silent river of tears falls from my eyes. My vision blurry.
“Yuki?” her voice soft. Caring.
“Hm?” I look up. My arm wipes away the falling tears.
“Is something wrong, sweetie?” she asks.
I shake my head.
No. Nothing is wrong Mom.
I look over to Satoshi.
His head hangs down. His brown hair, covering his face. I can tell what his face looks like.
“I’m sorry,” I say finally.
Mom’s hand touches my head. Her touch warms me up. Tears fall again.
“Its okay, sweetie,” she says lovingly. “It’s okay. We just have to have a talk.”
I nod.
Okay. A talk.

***

People’s head hurry around. In a rush to get somewhere. Where? Did they know where they were going? Did they know it all ends in darkness? Did they?
My eyes move around the area.
Where is Leon?
I sigh.
The sun greets everyone with its blinding rays of light. The roads buzz with cars moving.
I smile.
Life here always seems busy.
“Yuki,” Leon’s voice intrudes my thoughts.
I turn to the area I heard the voice. I break into laughter.
He was a foot or so taller than everyone around him. It’s hard not to see him.
“What?” he questions me.
“Nothing,” I smile brightly. “Just realized, how out of place you look here.”
“Hah.”
I got a thump on the forehead, for saying that. My hands cover the injured spot.
“Hey,” I frown. “That’s not nice.”
“I’m not nice.” He looks away.
You, not nice?
I wanted to tell him otherwise. But he was no longer listening.
“Well,” I say breaking the silence that greeted us momentarily.
“Well, what?”
“What now?” I ask. “Do you want to go home?”
He shakes him head.
“Then what do you want to do?”
He shrugs.
I playfully slap him. “You could at least think of something.”
“Let’s go to the park.”
Park? “Why the park?”
“Yeah.” He looks back at me. His eyes seem sad. They didn’t have emotion in them. Why? “The one you told me about before.”
I nod. I couldn’t say no.
I brush my skirt down, and look at the sky. I haven’t been to the park for years.
“Come on,” I say happily.
He holds out a hand. “I don’t want to lose.”
“Lose me?” I ask confused.
“Yeah, you’re pretty short for a Japanese person,” he laughs.
“Jerk!” I slap his hand away. But he grabs mine.
“Come on, you going to show me it or what?” he smiles.
The emotion in his eyes is back. I smile.
We walk. Silence stays. I allow it. I didn’t to break it.
Hand in hand, we walk. Stores passing us. People turning, looking, wondering. I smile as I turn to Leon. He really was something to see. He was a perfect picture type of guy. He hair short, cut in layers. His sea-green eyes, staring off into space. His height, tall.
My hand is squeezed. He looks at me. I snap my head away. I blush. I had to be blushing. I was just caught staring, gawking at him. He must think I’m strange.
“Um,” I start.
“Hm?”
“Leon, we’re-”
“Yuki?” a voice cuts me off.
I turn. Who is it? Who knows me? Who remembers me?
A guy. Tall, slim. Hair raven black, let loose around his shoulders.
“Yuki,” he says again. “It’s you Yuki?”
“Who are you?” I ask.
He points to himself, his face falls. “It’s me, Yuki. It’s Daisuki.”
Daisuki? Daisuki!
“Yeah,” he smiles. He must know I remember.
“I haven’t seen you in forever!” I squeak.
“Hah! Of course, you moved to America, before I got a chance to say good-bye.”
I look at him. His soft, loving smile. Still the same. Always loving.
“You look good,” he says.
“Thanks.”
My hand hurts. It’s being squeezed. Leon? Is something wrong?
“Who’s your friend?” Leon asks harshly.
“Oh, this is Daisuki,” I say. “We met back in middle school.”
“Yeah,” he laughs. “You were a little fighter back then.”
“I was, wasn’t I,” I giggle. “I haven’t thought that in a long time.”
“Yup,” he pauses, “You were called the palm-top tiger, right?”
“No!” I smile. “I was called the palm-size tiger.”
“Same thing.”
I shake my head.
“Yuki, you were shorter than you are now?” Leon asks.
“Yeah,” Daisuki says to him. “She was like a foot and a half shorter.”
I punch his arm. “Was not.”
He laughs.
I look at Leon. He didn’t seem happy. What’s wrong?
“Leon?” I start.
“I thought you were going to show me that park,” he snaps sharply at me.
I withdrew. Why is he acting like this? Did I do something wrong?
“Yeah.” I turn back to Daisuki, “Nice seeing you again.”
He nods. “We should meet up later, and catch up. Do you live in the same place?”
“Yeah.”
I wave bye, and walk off with Leon. I look up at him. What was he feeling? Was he mad at me? Why is his hand holding mine tightly?
“Leon?” my voice quietly asks.
“Hm?” was my only response.
“You’re hurting my hand…” my voice trails off.
His grip loosens.
The rest of the walk, silence heavy followed us from behind. Making sure we couldn’t talk. Choking us.

“We’re here,” I say finally breaking the silence that surrounds.
The swings ride the soft wind, going: back and forth, back and forth. The grass nicely trimmed, flower petals from the near by sakura trees fell around.
“Pretty,” he dully comments.
“What’s wrong?” I ask sharply.
“Nothing.”
I frown. He wasn’t in a good mood anymore.
I walk towards the swings pouting. I give up. If he wants to be that way then go right ahead. I had it.
I sit. It greets my body with a creak. I push back a little, letting my body swing: back and forth, back and forth, a bit. My hair bounce around my face, giving me a bit of a breeze.
I sigh.
Why did he have to be like that. It’s not fair. I didn’t do anything.
My eyes close.
I’ll try and clear my mind.
I felt my swing get pulled back. I open my eyes, my hands grip on the chains tighter. I was higher.
“Wah!” I cry.
Laughter explodes from behind me.
Leon!
His hands push on my back, making me go higher.
“Stop,” I plea. “Stop it Leon!”
“Why?” he asks.
“Because!”
I come to a halting stop. Leon’s head hangs over mine.
“Thought you wanted to go higher,” he calmly says.
I shake my head.
He smiles. “Sorry.”
I smile. “It’s okay.”
His head comes closer.
“What?” I ask.
“You’re blushing.”
My hands move to my hand. “Shut up.”
Leon grabs my hands, and pulls them away. “It’s cute.”
“Cute?” I ask sounding out ever syllable, like I didn’t know the word.
“Yes, cute.”
I look into his dark eyes. His meaningful eyes. My heart pounds. I look down, avoiding his gaze.
"Yuki?" his voice calls my name.
I don't look at him. "Hm?"
The swing moves a bit. He walks around, moving towards the nearby bench.
"Never mind," his voice barely says.
I stare at him. His body; moving, sitting down.
Is he mad? Did I do something wrong?
I move my feet, pushing my off the ground. My body lifts in the air. The wind pushing on me. I move: up, down, up, down, up, down.

Time passes. Leon sits quietly on the bench. I still on the swing.
"Yuki?" he finally calls.
I stop. "Yes?" I ask more eager than I wanted to sound.
"Are you done?"
"Why?"
"It's getting late."
He's right. The sun is already going down. How long have we been here? It couldn't bee that long.
My eyes watch the sky change colors. Watching it get darker.
"You want to go home?" I ask.
Leon gets off the bench, and walks towards me.
"Yeah," he says.
I move off the swing, stretch my arms in the air. A "hm" escapes me as I stretch.
Click.
"Huh?" I ask, looking at Leon.
He was holding a camera.
I blush. "You didn't."
He smiles, and puts it in his pocket.
"Leon!"
"Let's go," he sates, ignoring what he did.
His hand grabs mine, and starts walking.
After a few minutes, he stops.
"What now?" I ask.
"Which way is the way back to your place?" he asks.
I sigh. "This way." I begin to lead him.

***

I shallow.
What did Mom want to talk about?
I watch her and Satoshi, as we enter the house.
Satoshi sits on the stairs. His head falls in his hands.
Was he crying? Did he do something wrong?
"Yuki, dear," Mom says. "Let's go to your room."
I nod.
"Satoshi," she looks at him. "Go to your room."
He gets up. He hurries up the stairs. A door shuts.
"Come on." Mom smiles at me.
We walk up the stairs, taking one step at a time. Her arm around me. Helping me.
Was she afraid I wouldn't be able to make it to my room myself?
My room. Pictures hanging everywhere. Both, photos and drawings. She sits me on my bed, her body next to mine. Mom lets out a long low sigh. Her eyes falls to the floor.
"Mom?" my voice squeaks.
She looks up at me. Her mouth forms a thin smile, weak. Face ever so pale.
I look at her with worried eyes.
"Yuki," she says looking away again.
I stare at her, waiting. Waiting to know what she had to say.
Her mouth moves, she tells me.

***

Tears stream down my face.
"Yuki?" Leon voice full of concern.
I look at him.
His eyes fall into mine. "You okay?" His finger touches my face, wiping away a tear drop.
I nod. "Yeah."
"Then why are you crying?"
"Dunno," I say looking away. "I think I was remembering...something."
"Hm." His hand finds it's way to me. It squeezes mine. "Then don't remember it."
I nod, not knowing what to say.
We walk.
Silence takes over. Breathing heavily over us. Making it hard to breathe.
My eyes fall heavy. My breathing becomes faster. The ground flies under me. My mind goes fades slowly. My vision burrs.
"Yuki?" a voice cries in concern.
I go black.

"Leon, what happened?" a soft voice sings.
Who is that?
"I don't know," another voice replies. "She passed out while we were on the way here."
"Yuki!" a worried voice shakes me.
Who are they?
I open my eyes. They hurt. "Ugh," I say barely above a whisper.
"Yuki!" the worried voice cries.
I turn over to see who it was.
Ringo. Has she been crying?
"Why...crying?" I ask. My throat hurts.
"Because," she chokes on her words. She embraces me in a hug. "I thought something bad happened to you!"
I look past Ringo. Ichigo stands next to Leon. Tears flow down her face, as a small smile appears.
"Thank goodness," she mouths to me.
I smile.
"Yuki!" Leon roars at me.
I flinch back. Scared.
He's mad.
His face softens. "You scared me," he says looking away.
"Leon..." my voice trails off.
He walks towards the door. He speaks without looking back to me, "Since you're fine, I'm going to be in my room."
He leaves.
I look at Ichigo and Ringo.
What's going on? Why did he leave?
"Um," I start.
"Yuki," Ichigo stares at me. "You made Leon so worried."
"Huh?" I'm confused.
"He was freaking out earlier," Ringo says. She gets up, and places her body on my bed next to me.
"Really?" I ask softly. My eyes move to the covers around me.
"Yeah," Ichigo says. She moves to the other side of me. "You shouldn't make him worry like that."
"Oh," I say, not fully understanding why.
"Ringo." Ringo looks at Ichigo. "Go lock the door." She nods and obeys her sister's orders.
After locking the door, Ringo joins Ichigo and me on my bed.
"Yuki," Ichigo takes my hand. "What happened?"
My head falls into my free hand. "I don't know."
"Please, tell us," Ringo pleads.
I shake my head. "I honestly don't know what happened. I was thinking about the past...about Satoshi, then everything goes black." Tears roll down my face.
I bring my hands to my face.
I'm crying? Why am I crying?
"Yuki?" Ringo gives me a hug. "Don't cry. I'm sure, Leon isn't mad at you."
"Ringo...Ichigo," I whisper. "You knew me, back when Satoshi was here, right?"
They nod.
"You guys," I look at them, "Do you remember Satoshi?"
"Yes," they both say in union.
"I never liked him," Ringo whispers.
"I'm thankful he died," Ichigo huffs.
"Why?" I ask.
"You don't remember, do you?" Ringo chokes.
I shake my head in confusion. "Remember what?"
Ichigo looks into my eyes, not sure what to make of it. "What he did."
The room becomes still. Silence grows, engulfing us within itself.
What did I forget? What did Satoshi do?
"Just..." Ichigo gets up, "Don't remember it Yuki."
Ringo nods, and take my hand. "It's best if you didn't, anyways."
"Okay," I drag out the word. I throw the thoughts in the back of my mind, trying to worry about it.
I get up.
"Where are you going?" Ichigo asks.
"To go talk to Leon," I say as my hand touches the knob of the door. "I should say sorry for making him worry about me."
"Okay," they say.
I leave.
My feet take me down the hall. I pass pictures: smiling faces, giggling, random pictures of us. Mom, me, Satoshi, Ichigo, and Ringo. I stop to look at one picture. It was of all of us. Smiling, not crying. Not worried. Just smiling.
What would he think of me now? Would we be friends now?
I didn't get a chance to talk to him in two years. I shove any thought of Satoshi to the back of my mind, and continue my way to Leon's room.
The door. The door that separated us earlier this morning, and now it separates us again now. My hand touches the knob, I try turning it. It doesn't open for me. I release it.
"Who is it?" Leon's voice harshly asks from the other side.
I look at the door. "It's me...Yuki," I answer.
A click. It's open. Leon opens the door, not showing his face, only his back. I enter his room.
"What do you want?" he asks as he lays back on his bed.
I stay by the door, holding the knob behind me, not wanting to let go.
"Well?"
"Um," I says not looking at him.
"If that's all you have to say, please leave me alone."
"No...that's not it," I say.
"Then what is it?"
"I'm sorry."
He looks at me. His face pale. His eyes sad. "It's okay."
I hurry over to him, embracing him in a hug. Tears fall down my face. "I'm sorry," I whisper in his shirt.
He hugs back. His arms making me feel safe. Making me feel whole. Making me feel found, no longer lost.
"It's okay," he whispers in my ear.
I shake my head. My whole body shakes.
His hand pats my head, and his hug becomes tight. "Don't scared me like that again."
"I didn't mean too."
"I know, but don't do it again," his voice softly says. "I don't think I'm strong enough to see that happen to you again."
I nod.
"So, stop crying will you?"
I don't answer. How can I answer? It wasn't like I can stop myself when I wanted too.
He hugs tighter.
I let him. I want him too hold me. I want him to cover my tears.
I shake.
He says nothing.
“Leon,” I say. My voice muffled by his chest.
“Yes.”
“I’m sorry.”
He chuckles. “Stop saying sorry.”
“That’s all I can think of saying.”
“Okay.”
We stand there. Nothing, being said. Silence is welcomed.

We’re on his bed. Lying on it. My under the covers, him over and next to me. He moves, sitting up.
“Yuki?” he asks.
“Hm?” I turn over to look at him. “What is it?”
He sighs. “I was wondering…who was that guy to you?”
“Who?” I sit up. “Daisuki?”
He nods.
“He’s an old friend.”
“Yeah, but what is you history?” he asks.
“History,” I pause. “It’s complicated.”
“Did you guys date?”
I shake my head. “No, not really.”
“Did you like him?”
“When I was here, yeah.”
“Do you feel the same about him, as you did then?”
I lie back down. How did I feel about him? I haven’t seen him is so long. When I left I lost contact with him and many other friends.
“I don’t think I have any feeling for him anymore,” I say after a few moments of thinking of it.
Leon gets up.
I watch him.
“I think they’ll be worried, if you stay here too long,” he says opening the door.
“Why?”
“You’ve been here for an hour. They might think we were doing something, when we weren’t.”
I nod. They wouldn’t think that though. They know I wouldn’t do anything without thinking over it…
I push my body off his bed, standing up. I make my way towards the door. I look at Leon.
What is he thinking? Does he think I like Daisuki? What does he think of me?
I walk out.
He closes the door without saying a word of good-bye to me.
Click.
It’s locked again.
I turn my head to stare at the door.
The off-white paint is peeling off at the edges. Some small cracks from old age. Why haven’t I ever noticed them while I lived here? Why now when I am going to leave in a few days?
I walk back to my room, ignoring the photos of my past. I didn’t want to see them right now.
I flop down on my bed. “Ugh!” My eye close, darkness engulfs me. Taking me into the depths of itself.

“Yuki?”
I feel myself being shaken. “What?” I ask without opening my eyes.
“Want to go take Ichigo to school?” Ringo asks.
Ichigo…she has schooling today? “Sure,” I say, rolling over and looking at her. “You don’t have anything to do today…do you?”
Ringo nods. “I have school too.”
“Ugh,” I say getting up. “I’m going to be bored today.”
“Aw,” she combs my hair. “No you won’t. You have Leon with you.”
“Leon,” I say. “I don’t think he wants to hang today.”
Ringo frowns. “If you say so. But I’m sure you can find something to entertain yourself.”
“Maybe.”

“Ichigo!” I cry. “Hurry up, or you and Ringo will be late!”
She comes running down the stairs, fixing her hair. “Does this look good? Or does it look odd?”
“It’s good. Very pretty, Ichigo,” Ringo says placing herself next to her twin.
“Thanks, lets go!”
We leave the house.

I watch Ringo and Ichigo wave good-bye as they enter the school. I’m alone now. Leon is at home, most likely sleeping or watching his ceiling or wall.
What should I do? Where should I go?
I sit in the car, looking at the high school in front of me.
This should be my last year here if I still lived here. I wonder how many people from middle school are here. Would they remember me?
I smile.
“ ’Kay,” I say softly to myself. I turn the wheel. “Time to find a place to park.”
I found one nearby thankfully.
I get out and hurry back to the school grounds.
The bell hasn’t rung yet. Good.
I watch everyone around me.
Busy. Talking to their friends, playing some kind of game, texting, anything to pass the time.
I walk slowly toward the main building.
Whispers emerge around me.
I feel their eyes burn on me.
They didn’t know…or maybe they did know who I was.
I smile.
“Who are you?” a voice behind me asks. “You’re not in uniform, so that should mean you do go here.”
I turn to look at who is talking to me.
A balding guy with thick glasses glare at me, shaking his fat sausage finger at me.
“Well?” he asks.
His face is getting red.
Was he getting mad or was that a normal thing? “What are you staring at young lady?”
“Your face,” I say. “It’s getting very red…and now puffy.”
Laughter bursts around us.
“Think you’re funny, don’t you?” he roars. “Who are?”
“I’m Jamila, Yuki,” I finally answer.
Whispers start up again.
“Jamila…” he looks at his clipboard. “No one by that last name goes to this school.”
“I know.”
“What are you doing here?”
“Just looking around.”
“Get out!”
“Why?” I pout. “I was only looking.”
“Trespassers will get in trouble.”
“But, I’m not really a trespasser,” I try to explain. “If I still lived here, this would be the school I would be going to…I just wanted to know what it was like here before I left again.”
“It really is you!” a voice from somewhere cries.
“Huh?” I look around.
Who was that?
A girl stumbles out from the crowd that formed around us.
“Yuki!” she smiles. “Or better yet…the palm-size tiger!”
“Yeah, that is I.”
“The palm-size tiger?” the guy asks.
I nod.
“Yeah!” the girl says. “She’s the famous palm-size tiger sir. If you knew better you wouldn’t mess with her.”
He looks at me.
Did he hear the rumors of me too?
“So, this is the palm-size tiger?” he smiles. “You are pretty small for you age.”
“I’m not,” I say, “Sir.”
He smiles. His eyes look beady as his smile grows.
“I believe you are,” he laughs. “How in the world could a small girl like you do anything bad? I mean you’re harmless. A little bug. Nothing that is important. So tiny. A speck of dust in-”
I punch him in the stomach.
“Oh!” voices around us gasp.
I kick under his feet, knocking him to the ground.
“Sir,” I say, “You’re not that much taller than me. Before you go off saying how short a person is, you should take an account of how short you are. For me it’s okay. I’m a girl, girls are suppose to be short. But what’s your excuse?”
He looks at me. “You’re in big trouble!”
I punch his face, knocking him out. “Idiot,” I drag out the word as he fell to the ground.